Yeah, this post's only for guys cause if you're a girl, you are pretty much allowed everything that's forbidden to the male sex. Yeah, we are lucky bitches.
So here you are. At last. The Heavens have noticed your existence and even heard your prayers. And because you're either a lucky bastard- or you sold your soul to the devil of rock n' roll- you can finally meet your musical hero. Let the lights shine on you, He, God, is looking at you, right in the eyes and everything you had imagined and the words you had rehearsed have suddenly gone. Woosh. Your mind is just filled with awe, blinded by His light. So here's a short survival kit to make the most of these few minutes.
1- Don't tell him you've just downloaded the leaked version of his new album.
Even if you find this album fantastic, just don't. For you might get two reactions. First one, the guy is nice and polite. He's had a great day, great sex or a great meal. He'll laugh, thank you, shake your hand and go. If He's had a bad day, or you just caught Him leaving his hotel at 8 in the morning for another shitty, rainy day on the road, and He's hungover, well, He may suddenly want to punch you in the face. Sure you want to keep a little souvenir from Him, but not one of your teeth on the pavement. So if you did hear this new album, just tell Him the new songs sound great live and that you listened to some of them on the internet and you are really looking forward to the release of the album. Don't go further than this.
2- Don't shout « I love you, mate ».
Okay, you've been waiting for hours in front of the venue, you've been drinking to keep your spirits high and at last, He bursts out of the backstage door but that's no bloody excuse for voicing your love so loud! First, because He only wants one thing: escape the mass of people that surrounds Him and freaks Him out (remember Lennon?) - and two, because you can say goodbye to all your hopes of getting a girl after the gig.
3- Don't copycat.
You love His musical style and His awesome dress sense. Sure you get a few girls because you do look like Him when you're wearing that jacket and have that haircut. But strangely, when He's surrounded by 10, 20 or 50 guys with the same jackets, boots, haircut, it freaks Him out. You would freak out if suddenly a dozen of guys decided to wear the same clothes as you at work. Do copy though as we, girls, like it. Just don't overdo it.
4- Don't come with your whole collection of vynils, CD, singles, posters, leaflets, concert tickets to get them signed.
Remember, He can only give you a few minutes of His precious time. Do you really want to overload Him with a bunch of vintage stuff? Remember, one of the things He hates is to be forced to look back on His career. Coming with a collection you've started 15 years ago is not recommended. If your musical hero though has just released a couple of albums (not more) , you can still come with your collection as He or His band is still excited about their success.
5- Don't cry, don't kiss.
Basically, don't touch. Only handshakes are allowed.
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